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Conventional Wisdom Learned

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Author: John Delves
Released 9 December 2008

What should you be doing now to prepare for business next year? More importantly, what should you be doing for you? In past classes that I have taught, I have suggested that, from time to time, you need to close the door, hang out the “do not disturb” sign and sit down with YOU. It does not matter if you are still working or have retired—these rules apply across the board.

It was easy to sit back and enjoy life and think positive things in the desert.

If we are going to sail into a much more fruitful 2009, you need to be in command of your current situation and, more importantly, in command of yourself. The steps that follow will put you in a much improved state of mind and will even provide a nice little kick start towards a more successful future. These twelve ideas will help get you back in touch with you.

Go into your office or find a quiet place at home to meet with yourself for a check-up from the neck-up, if you will. It’s not a perfect check-up, but I have followed this procedure for about 14 years and it works for me. I probably should do it more often, but at least I do it and try to get back in control of ME.

Once the door is shut, I set about to ask these questions.

1. Have I been realistic in the demands I have placed upon myself? In other words, have I tried to spread myself too thin by trying to do too much myself? Ask yourself honestly if you have set limits on your availability. Once having set those limits, consider if you are steadfast in enforcing them.

2. Are my own problems and needs being taken care of? Sometimes we get so wrapped up in taking care of the other people that we completely ignore the personal needs and attention we need to maintain for a healthy life. Some people—ones you know all too well—actually believe that the company would fall apart if they ever took a vacation. We consider ourselves indispensable, which we are not (no one is). So be sure to step back relax and smell the roses.

3. How much time has passed since I had a fun experience? How long has it been since I just did something for no other reason than doing it? Once again, be honest about the last time you enjoyed a completely unplanned day. Has it been too long since you also included your spouse and children in such a crazy idea? Remember to be spontaneous and have fun!

4. Am I taking care of myself by eating properly, maintaining a healthy weight, getting enough rest, and exercising on a regular basis? Too often we get so wrapped up in maintaining the health of our business that we forget about the old body. Caring for your body includes getting the appropriate rest. See your doctor and agree on how much rest and exercise you need and then follow the doctor’s orders. Your friends, associates, and your family need you, not just your business, to be happy and healthy too.

John recently took a seven-month tour in the Middle East. Here he is with two friends he met there: Enad (4) and Wadha (7).

5. When was the last time I was able to just think, relax and be quiet? Get out of the rat race, read a good book, take a short walk and even sit on a hillside and contemplate your navel. When was the last time you did just that? Once a week and every week, we all need to just step back and see the world from a different angle. Schedule a meeting with yourself now and don’t miss the appointment.

6. Have I learned to say NO? Do you have a problem saying no to people who come to you with questions that they could solve themselves? Family members and friends, just like employees, love to get your help in making decisions. It takes the heat off of them and gives them a person to blame if anything goes wrong. Your job as a parent, friend, or even a boss is to help others grow in their own position and take responsibility.

7. Am I demanding perfection in everything I do? Have you yet to come to the realization that it’s okay not to be perfect? Have you accepted the fact that a lot can be learned from failing? Truett Cathy wrote a wonderful book called “It’s Easier to Succeed Than to Fail.” He does not say don’t fail, he says than in failing we learn most of life’s great lessons. Baseball players who strike out 6 of the 10 times at the plate are hailed as being great with a 400 batting average. It’s okay to fail, as long as each time it happens, you learn another way that does not work. Just maybe, the only one expecting perfection from you is you.

8. Am I being completely honest with myself and those for whom I care? Too often, we try to hide things from people when they genuinely want to know if we are okay. People who care about us know when we are struggling and it is not a sign of weakness to admit there have been better days and times. Great leaders know that they, at times, must be open and honest with those around them and feel comfortable sharing feelings and thoughts.

9. Am I allowing anger and resentment towards others to govern my feelings and attitudes? Sad as this may seem, it’s all too often one of the most frequent reasons for serious health issues. Maintaining a feeling of hatred and resentment towards another for whatever reason is self destructive at the very least. Allowing your mind to be filled with those thoughts is a waste of your talents. Make up your mind now to mend the fence and repair the rift.

10. Do I always speak highly of those around me at work, at home and of those with whom I spend my leisure time? Another question you might ask yourself is if those who confide in me know that what is said is maintained in the strictest confidence. Do you avoid and even discourage gossiping within your circle of friends? A man/woman is only as good as their word; are you still able to be counted in that group?

11. Are you spending your time and energy in showing those close to you that you are interested in their happiness and well being? Too often the answer might be, “I think so!” Not good enough! I recall on two occasions when someone near to me left this world and left a void. I remember sitting and thinking I should of - I could of but both times it was too late. They were gone and there was nothing I could do about it. In reflection, I found myself spending more time and devoting more energy to ensure those that mattered knew I cared.

12. Have I found myself a mentor? We all need someone to turn to in times of need. I remember all too well stories about men retiring and only lasting about seven years whereas women retire and live on and on and on. Women typically have a close friend to whom they can go and share their innermost thoughts and concerns. Gentlemen, we need to learn from the ladies on this one. The point I made then and repeat today is that we are all need someone to turn to, someone to help us, someone to guide us and be our support. Find that someone now.

I ask myself these questions at home and ask my wife and children to help me be honest with my answers. They tend to reshape some of my answers and most of the times have supporting evidence that really makes me take note.

Well, that’s it for this issue. A new year is almost here and I am ready for the recovery and looking forward to starting 2009 off in a very positive way. Have a wonderful holiday, take care of yourself and let’s agree to see only great things in 2009!

John Delves is a speaker with Southeastern Training & Development near Atlanta, Georgia.